http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4iDwV7hCmw&eurl=http://buzzfeed.com/eliot/barack-obama-is-your-hypnotist-26q

I guess all it takes is some fancy eye blinking plus some voice patterning (and a massive fiscal meltdown, unpopular war, least popular president of modern times, and your opponent’s inept campaigning) and people will vote for you like zombies at the all-you-can-eat brains buffet.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1080256/Cannibal-cult-mother-skinned-son-eat-flesh-gets-9-years-jail.html

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1219779.ece

Shit, the bacon!

1) According to my calculations it’s been about two months since you posted anything about people getting their penises shrunk, hexed, stolen, mutilated or eaten. What’s up? You mean to tell us that suddenly the world is totally free from the horrors of genital mutilation mass hysteria? I didn’t think so.

2) How is it that you aren’t on the leading edge of reporting this shit?

Gotta go, I’m cooking some bacon.

Prions are virtually indestructible even by cooking, but all is not lost! If you eat nothing but the meat, the muscle, you should be able to consume your enemies with no ill effects.

Thanks for the informative caption/title. When I first saw the picture, I thought it must be a National Association of Realtors convention, or maybe some Republicans on their way to testify after having been subpoenaed. Interesting factoid: did you know you can see North Korea from Alaska? Fortunately, in an odd bit of peculiar good luck, you can’t see Alaska from North Korea.

And I told you to stop taunting me.

Vote for Barack Obama for President.
Vote for Sarah Palin for Vice President.
Vote for Cindy McCain for First Lady.

This is going to be huge. It’s going to be a seminal moment (eww, sorry) in American politics. I’m calling this ticket “A Brother and Two Cougars in 2008″.

And this election cycle, everyone’s gotta have a glam rock theme song. Sarah Palin’s used to be Suffragette City. But now it’s Fox on the Run by Sweet. Wham bam, thank you madame.

Artistic merit should really not be used as a measure of guilt or innocence within the criminal justice system, even if it would make jury duty more exciting. Ex. #1: OJ Simpson, actor = 2 life sentences. Personally, I’ve always been skeptical about Gary Glitter. Any ’singer’ who’s biggest hit was an instrumental, that pretty much speaks for itself doesn’t it? It’s a good thing that judge in ‘Nam never heard Do You Want To Touch Me There?, he probably would have slapped on an extra 5 years for premeditation.

John McCain, on the other hand, is a successful author with 5 NY Times bestsellers. I’ve only read a couple. I really liked “Feel Sorry for Me Because I’m a Hot Headed Prick”, but I thought he was stretching his material a bit thin by the time he wrote “Turns Out, I Wasn’t Tortured! [with a forward by John Yoo]“. John Yoo, speaking of artistic merit, is not just an acclaimed satirist, but he also directed some kickass action flicks starring Chow Yun Fat.

Mike Nights (if that’s your real name, I want to see your trans-am that talks with a lisp), I think your sarcasm crosses the line when you start making fun of people’s personal insecurities. Sure, on election day I’ll be dressed as a transexual space alien in sequins, snakeskin high heel boots, and a silver tinsel wig. Because it’s on a Tuesday. But the only chads I’ll be punching are on the mock ballots in my lonely homemade cardboard voting booth.

I guess if nothing else is working, the last resort is to just write in Ron Paul on the ballot even though he is probably just copying Ru Paul at some level.

First, the good news: Palin family mother/daughter tag team no longer just a fantasy, but a distinct possibility, however slim the odds might be.

But the bad news is a bit overwhelming. I met with my attorney this morning and he pointed out that I really shouldn’t be voting, at least until our appeal gets picked up. I said that was fine, I could still work to do everything I could in support of my girl. But he said I should probably chill out with the voter registration drive, as that too was a bit of a legal gray area.

Then I was telling him about my concerns that McCain and Gary Glitter had both done time in Vietnam. He said that they were completely different situations. McCain was a POW, and there was no comparing the two. Our meeting time was over, so I didn’t get to ask for more clarification on the subject. But we have a pretty decent law library here, so I started doing some of my own research.

Glitter, it turns out, was convicted of banging some underage girls. I understand that GG made some bad decisions and he’ll just have to live with those consequences. But what was he supposed to do? Checking IDs wouldn’t have done much good, as I suspect those documents would have been in Vietnamese. Who the hell wants to learn a whole language just to get it on with some hotties? I don’t think there’s any country on the planet that requires you to learn their native language before you can bone their daughters. Well, I guess there are some exceptions. But ever since the euro exploded, nobody can afford to go to France anyway. So Glitter screwed up, but did he really do anything that any other horny guy wouldn’t have done in the same situation? Find me a redblooded American guy who hasn’t walked mile in those platform boots.

McCain’s case was a littler harder to research. But when I finally found it (NVA v. Lt. Com. J. McCain, Ho Chi Minh City District Court, 1968), it blew my mind. Holy shit, that guy was in the slammer for 23 counts of mass murder. WTF? Call me crazy, but I think this is the kind of record that could seriously limit one’s political career if word got out. Does this idiot think that anyone in the USA would have an ounce of sympathy for him if they knew about this?

Oh yeah, and get this: The penalty for 23 counts of mass murder in Vietnam? Oh, a whopping 5 and a half years in prison. I know guys doing more time for overdue library books. They really threw the book at you, McCain. So cry me the Mekong River, flyboy. You got off easy.

Hey McCain, maybe you should get out of your houses more often and see how we do things over here in the good ole US of A. You try that shit over here even once and we’ll fry your ass. Hell, in Texas or Florida, they’ll have you strapped to a gurney with a needle in your arm inside of 3 months. If you even -think- about mass murder, you’ll be wearing an orange jumpsuit and living out of a dog kennel forever. No time off for good behavior, either. What’s the penalty for mass murder out there in Arizona? I suppose you just have to pay a fine, and then promise the judge you won’t kill more than one person at a time from now on.

As usual, Ira was totally correct. These are completely different situations and there is really no comparison between the two. My sincerest apologies to Mr. Glitter and his family, I really didn’t mean to rope you into some unjustified guilt by association with John McCain. And since my conversation with my attorney, I now understand that libel and slander laws are enforced quite differently over there in the UK. So no hard feelings. We’re cool, right?